Last Day. First Day.

I knew this day was coming. I thought about it briefly the day I turned 39, but in the past few weeks this milestone has loomed up and thrown its shadow over my entire life. I didn't expect it to be this big of a deal, which was obviously my first mistake.

Today's the day I outlive Chadwick.

I'm a member of a couple widows' groups and we talk about everything imaginable, plus some things you're all better off not imagining, but how it feels to outlive a spouse is a thing there's probably not a word for. So I once again have no idea how I'm feeling, except for my overwhelming desire to just stay in bed. Forever.

Last night I went to an FC Cincinnati game, finally, but before I headed out I tried to pinpoint when I last went to a professional soccer match. I'm pretty sure it was when I lived in Scotland, and the longer I thought about it the more the absurdity of that realization dawned on me. Despite all that I've left undone and all that's still to come on my bucket list, the fact is that my 39 years have been pretty amazing, mostly by accident, and the best part of it all was the 13 I spent with my Chadwick. Who had 39 pretty amazing years himself.

Today's the last day I can say I spent one-third of my life with him. From now on, that percentage will shrink. Today is the last age (39 years, four months, 14 days) we will ever have in common. Tomorrow is the first day I shoot without a script. Maybe I still have time to write one great solo.

Maybe I still have time. Maybe there's more amazing to come. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to pull myself out of bed one more time.

What I Read: August

After I finished the blanket I'd been working on since April at the end of July, I suddenly felt like I had all this time for reading. Which I promptly filled with other things, because I'm still me in here and my brain is apt to wander off from time to time to see what's happening in the next room, so to speak.

However, August was at least better than the last few months have been, so that's something.

As always, all links and images are from Goodreads. Let's be friends and you can see all the things I've read. Books are in alphabetical order, not the order I read them in, because chronological is so 2016.

First-time reads:
Colonize This!: Young Women of Color on Today's Feminism, Daisy Hernandez & Bushra Rehman
Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World, Bob Goff
Nurse Matilda: The Collected Tales, Christianna Brand
Our Bodies, Our Bikes, Elly Blue & April Streeter


Re-reads:
Bikenomics: How Bicycling Can Save The Economy, Elly Blue


Books by women:
Colonize This!: Young Women of Color on Today's Feminism, Daisy Hernandez & Bushra Rehman
Nurse Matilda: The Collected Tales, Christianna Brand
Our Bodies, Our Bikes, Elly Blue & April Streeter


Goodreads challenge: 20 of 52 books in 2017


What are you reading?

Final Third

Labor Day marks the end of summer for most of us (even though summer still has about three weeks to go), and these days, the beginning of the dreaded season of pumpkin spice in everything. I saw some pumpkin spice chocolate chip cookies in Kroger last week--why? Why??

Labor Day is also a nice breath for people in the academic to pause for a second after a few weeks back at the daily grind. While I'm very happy indeed that I'm no longer in that group, I've always appreciated friends who share how they take this time of year to refocus, set new goals, and otherwise gear up for the adventure ahead. And with the year two-thirds done, I agree it's a great time to think about what's left undone in 2017.

I had to go look to find out whether I'd even written down any goals for this year, if that tells you how much attention I've paid to them. But here are the two that pertain to running to focus on in this final third of the year:

1. Get my running in.
I looked at my log yesterday for grins to check out my history with running mileage. I have over 10 years of data in that log now. When I started keeping track in 2006 (which was before I started running, btw), I thought I'd probably fizzle out after a few months and it would just be another thing stuck in my files that I felt too guilty to look at again, ever.
Anyway, here's what it looks like:

• 2007: 321
• 2008: 625
• 2009: 775
• 2010: 407
• 2011: 122
• 2012: 269
• 2013: 181
• 2014: 257
• 2015: 230
• 2016: 355
• 2017 (so far): 233

So I guess I'm hitting pretty near average? Ai yi yi, no wonder I've never been that good at running. Some people run almost as much in a month as I do some years--but then again, this is not an area of my life that I need to compare with other people. Instead, now's a great time to stick to the plan for the rest of the year (418 more miles, if I do them all) and see what kind of magic happens.

Near the river is fine, as long as I stay on the Ohio side.
Over that bridge there be dragons, although there's also
a (slightly) lower sales tax rate.

2. Go outside every day.
I'm not terrible at this one, even though I do have days that I never even open my door. Although yesterday I opened my door and it ended with me being stuck in Kentucky for four hours, so maybe I'll rethink this one a bit.

Just kidding, I'll still do it, but I'm wary of crossing any more rivers just in case I can't get back. Either way, I can't get my running in if I don't go outside. And when I do get my running in, that means I can stop going outside for the rest of the day, if I want! Win-win.

Do you use this time of year as a reset? What are you resetting?