It's Not Working

This would normally be a Sunday post, but since tomorrow is Mother's Day and apart from phoning my Mummy and both my Grannies, I'll be hiding in my apartment from all the happy mums with their happy children (mostly I'm okay with the infertility thing, no really, I am, but there have been more than the usual number of twists of the knife on the interwebs lately and so I'm feeling a bit bitter about Mother's Day this year), and not blogging about anything.

And I'll be putting the finishing touches on this ridiculous paper so I can be DONE with my first year of grad school which has dragged on so long I'm beginning to suspect I'm in Groundhog Day. Seriously, this:

Is a bit dramatic, even for me, but it's pretty much how I'm feeling this weekend.


Anyway, I did have something to say today, believe it or not! I ran across this quote on Twitter a few days ago: "[When] people say, 'I'm to busy to commit to ministry,' they're actually saying, 'I won't give up what it takes to commit to ministry.'"

For the record, I know this statement was not directed at me personally. But it comes right after Chad & I chose to once again pass up the chance to get involved in the children's ministry at church. And the only reason we passed on this is because I'm struggling-- a lot-- to keep up with grad school and still do my job. And while I readily admit this is my own problem, adding on another responsibility that I would take very seriously and which would add at least another 5 hours of work to my week (that's a bare minimum-- most of the time, I spend more like 10 hours per week children's ministry prep) is a terrible idea.

So, yes, person on Twitter: What I'm saying is, "I won't give up grad school to commit to ministry right now." But see, there's the kicker. Grad school will only last for a season, and it has come more or less on the heels of a season of being involved in children's ministry for 10 years at two different churches. And statements like that do nothing for getting me-- and a lot of others, I should imagine-- excited about jumping right back into a ministry once my seasons change.

I miss children's ministry. I loved it enough to keep at it for 10 years despite hearing at least once a month from some misguided idiot, "Why are you doing this? You don't even have kids!" I loved it enough to stay up late and wake up early to make sure I was prepared for class. I loved it enough to call my co-teachers on Sunday nights and say, "I don't think x is working for this class. Can we meet and talk about it?" I loved it enough to host all-night slumber parties for giggling girls who were in my class. When I gave it up, I didn't do so lightly.

I've always believed that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it well. The fact that I don't have children of my own makes me even more determined not to just phone it in, because 1) These parents have entrusted their children to me, even if only for a short time, and 2) If parents can put in the effort involved to get kids up and scrubbed and dressed and in a reasonably good mood on a Sunday morning, I owe them at least that much effort in return.

Someday, this season of struggling to figure out how to be good at grad school and at life at the same time will pass. Someday, I'll be ready to jump into a ministry again. But until then? People using Twitter to guilt the universe into doing something is really not going to work, except make me reluctant to rejoin the work I once loved.

Z is for Zzzz

When I was first old enough to have friends in college-- at about age 14-- I used to marvel at how much they could sleep when they came home. It was like they transformed from normal humans into bizarrely somnambulant beings when they made that leap to college. I didn't even know what to think about that.

If I'm studying like this,
I'm guaranteed to be asleep
in less than 5 minutes.
I've had to change to a
standing desk. From
hvaldez1 on stock.xchng.

Now that I've done college in three different spurts, I do understand: College involves a fair amount of work, late night is a good time to get things done, and some of this sleepiness is self-inflicted from spending time on non-school things and putting in some heavy-duty procrastination. Even the best of students still falls victim to procrastinating, even the hardest workers who also have jobs and are not entirely in control of their schedule-- it happens. And to some extent, why shouldn't it? We've set up our university system so that those who wish can take a heavy courseload, lock themselves in their rooms, and graduate early, while the less-in-a-hurry among us can make some friends and have some fun along the way. And the ones who only want to have fun end up crashing out and having to take a serious look at their life path, which can be a good thing.

Grad school is more of the same x100 (at least in the beginning; it gets more intense as you go on, I've heard), which means there's less time for partying and that procrastination is for those with a death wish. And yet, here I am at the end of the A to Z Challenge, having gotten by with some help from my friends, and still slogging through the stack of work that's due this week. My plan for this weekend is to turn 35 gracefully and then sleep for three days.

On the upside, I'm rarely bored.

Did you survive A to Z? Are you ready for all the blogs you read to return to regular programming? Could you pass me the tea, please, because I'm now mainlining caffeine?

Guest Post: Y is for Youthful

Today's guest post fits oh-so-beautifully into the grad school theme, for all that it was written by my undergraduate cousin. Amanda is a returning guest blogger, and is occasionally known as "Baby Cousin" here at Cheekyness (yes, even though she's nearly-22 and quite a bit taller than I!).

A few weeks ago, I went to Build-A-Bear with my friend Hermes. He saw that BAB was offering new “ponies” from My Little Pony, and he just HAD to go and build one (Yes, he’s a bronie). Thus, he invited me along, and we departed on a trip to the mall. This mall was close to Indianapolis, and once we made it, it. Was. Awesome. I’d never built my own bear before, and it was so fun picking out a bear and clothing, and just hanging with Hermes.

So, Indianapolis. I don’t get to regularly venture out of Greenfield or Muncie, where I go to school. Indy is more reserved for trips to the zoo, or Gen Con. But on the way there, we saw a billboard for this indoor trampoline park! They have dodge ball competitions, or you pay by the hour to just jump with friends or goof off. Hermes says we HAVE to do it, and I agree. Then we start talking about stuff in general that we’ve never done before. Hermes mentions that he’s never gone to the casino, despite turning 21 last month.

From Su: This family is all about
the musicals. Okay, so only about
half of us are. Whatever. Source.

This gets me thinking—I have a car, and as a student, I’m not rich, but I do have some “play money,” as my mom calls it; enough money to go out to eat with my boyfriend a few times a month, or to do whatever with. And it hits me—I haven’t really made any plans to go and DO anything recently. Maybe a big part of it is school taking over my life, but I need to take a step back and be YOUTHFUL! And not just 2am trips to Steak n Shake; but take pictures, and go out and do things with friends.

The next week, Hermes and I made plans to go to the casino, and hopefully at the end of the week, I’ll make a trip up to Chicago’s Broadway with my boyfriend to see Big Fish the Musical. And a trip to the indoor trampoline park is in the works. My lesson in this blog post? Be youthful. Go and do something in your city you’ve never done before.

It might just be awesome.

Guest Post: X is for My Generation

Today's guest blogger is that guy who lives in my house. He's been seen round Cheekyness during the A to Z Challenge before: He's the brains behind last year's X and Z posts. (He's a bit disgruntled that I won't let him have Z this time around.) This is also Chadwick's X post for today, and you can visit him at Occasional Scholar.

Time Magazine cover from June
9, 1997. Not long after the
youngest Gen X-ers entered
adulthood. Source: Time.

Class: A Guide Through the American Status System (1983), by Paul Fussell, describes a group of people who want to pull away from class, status and money in society and labels them X. Douglas Coupland wrote the fictional work Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture (1991) and called it that because his characters fit the description in Fussell's book. The media labeled America's youth Generation X, because they saw the elements of Coupland's characters in them. But things changed.

Forbes says we might be in trouble. Edutopia says we're a sentence fragment that needs to be handled with care. US News tries to delve into the complexities of identifying ourselves along generational lines. An opinion piece talks about the impact of my generation becoming politically influential at the same time as the next one (and we're smaller than they are). Beliefs drive our lives for good or ill. Trying to quiet our minds with all the many voices of media blaring every moment (including this drivel I am writing), then trying to live with intention in the midst of a reactionary society, is a challenge when we are making the best of choices. What choices are we making?

W is for Web

One of my classes this semester is Online Publishing, which has turned out to not be what I thought it was going to be about. I can't really remember at this point what it was that I was expecting, but I've managed to learn things about HTML, CSS, and JavaScript that I probably could have lived without knowing.

A screenshot of my most recent assignment. Despite
all my complaints, I am pretty happy with it.
And my prof was very complimentary. But I'm not
giving you a live link; I don't like it that much.

I kid! I know I live in the 21st century and should embrace that it's important to know these things. But now that it's the end of the semester, I have to build a website by next Thursday and I'm not excited about it. So far, I've turned on a movie or a soundtrack or something while slogging through our smaller assignments, but this next assignment may require an entire Netflix queue. So help me.

Have you ever built a website? Any last words before I lock myself into a room with a five-gallon bucket of hot tea, a DVD of Les Misérables, and a computer that I'll soon be shouting at?

Oh, and BTW: Yesterday I won Camp NaNoWriMo. This has been one of those weeks when I needed to write for therapeutic purposes, and I managed to bang out 11K words (my goal was 10K) in three days.

Guest Post: V is for Valour

Today's post is by returning guest blogger Paula.

Val-or: Noun: Boldness or determination in facing great danger, especially in battle; heroic courage; bravery. Origin: 1350-1400 Middle England

Hello! My name is Paula and I am back to guest blog for Su! I chose this letter for multiple reasons, but the first one is this: I am currently OBSESSED with the BBC America show Merlin. Though the show no longer runs, the lessons that I have learned from the two seasons I have watched so far are really helping me get through college. The last few days of school are coming my way and I am getting really anxious. The amounts of assignments I have coming up are alarming, but there is one thing I can keep in mind: Valour means to go bold or go home, if you want to put it into modern terms. And that was exactly what I am going to do. And that is what I think you should do, too. I have no idea what is going on in your life, but I know that, if you are going through a tough time, thinking like a Knight of Camelot might just get you somewhere.

From cakeykate on stock.xchng.

Now, you might not be facing a fire-breathing dragon or a high-powered Warlock, but you might have to face another long day at work or school. You might have to pay those bills you’re struggling to pay or you might just have to face that in-law. Whatever your battle is, take it in strides and think like a Knight. I can almost guarantee you that those knights were not the bravest when they looked their competition straight in the eye, but they had an honour to withhold, and they were going to do just that. You might not have an honour to withhold, but you do have something to prove to yourself. You can do it, you will make it, and that person may be there tomorrow but it doesn’t mean you have to listen to EVERYTHING they say. (Unless that person is your boss, and if that’s the case, well…carry on.) The Knights of Camelot were noble men, but what doesn’t make you noble, the fact that you don’t wear a symbol on your chest? You can be completely noble to yourself every single day; all you have to do is take a deep breath and go.

I have to take my own advice here, which is why I am sharing this with you, but I wanted to let you know that you can make it, too. No matter what your “dragon” is, you get to face it with an Excalibur of your own. Personally, my Excalibur is going to be my books and my mind and my (awful) time management. What is your Excalibur? Who are your fellow Knights? Are you more of a Lancelot or a Percival? Either way, remember, you’re doing this task; you’re facing this “dragon” with valour and dignity, pride and accomplishment. You’ve already been knighted, now all you have to do is face the dragon.

Good luck, my fellow Knights.
~Paula ☺

Guest Post: U is for Universe

Today's guest blogger is my friend Kathryn, who has blogged at Cheekyness once before.

I like the idea of the universe. I, for the most part, like being allowed to exist, most days. I like the variety of it all; different planets, different climates, possibly different plant and animal life.

From Chemtec on stock.xchng.

I like the stars in the sky, the moon and its phases. When I walk out with the precious pup into the backyard at night, I look up at the sky. Sometimes – but rarely, since I live in the desert – the sky is overcast and cloaked in mystery. But on most nights I can look up into the starry, moonlit sky and instantly feel my neck and shoulders relax. The comic strip “Rose is Rose” calls it a garbage moment, for when the characters take the garbage out at night. But it is not garbage to me. It is a moment when I am aware of the greatness of my Creator. And it is a moment when I feel my smallness in the whole scheme of the universe. It is a moment of cool air after a hot day, a moment of beauty after the garbage life throws at us.

But I am growing quite weary of life in this universe. I find that the “you” is being dropped from the whole universe concept. It is more and more, and even more, about only “me”.

Born a Baby Boomer, my generation was tagged “the Me Generation”. I beg to differ! I was taught manners to show respect to others. I was taught how to converse face to face and, by so doing, would know if my words were hurtful to another. I have learned to be compassionate toward others because we all have problems and bad days and need to be shown kindnesses. I was shown and have, through trial and error, learned the importance of personal integrity. As I grow older it is hard enough to get a good night’s sleep, and I have learned that integrity in my actions is a vital component to that end.

Yes, I am now THAT old! I am THAT out of place in this universe. The people in the know, that ubiquitous “they”, say the youth feel hopeless. Being the in-the-know and compassionate person that I am, I can understand that. Systemic abandonment, infinite tolerance, delayed adolescence, techno-relationships, the perilous nature of the family – these are all contributing factors to that feeling. The grey hair on my head tells me that the individual is the only one who can make changes in themselves.

Another reason I love the universe is that I love science fiction. Real science fiction, not fantasy or action-adventure in technological disguise. I love the hope and courage it represents. I love the stories of friendship among the space travelers. I truly love that it is a non-threatening place to explore our differences and safely discuss our problems.

One Star Trek episode, the real Star Trek, was titled “The Empath”. The three, Kirk, McCoy and Spock, were captured and beaten on an alien planet. A woman in wispy attire was brought in to see if she could heal Dr. McCoy. The woman had alien powers to bring a person’s wounds to her body, and her healthy body could heal them. But the healing process took much out of her, robbing her of strength and her own health. She was able to heal McCoy’s surface wounds with no problem. Her alien superiors then placed her with Captain Kirk. Kirk was injured much worse. The woman knew it could be her own death if she helped him, and that was just the dilemma her superiors wanted her to overcome. They wanted her to have enough empathy to heal the alien, the stranger, even at her own risk.

Has our universe lost its empathy? Its integrity? Its old-fashioned manners? As a country, a world, do we still stand for what is right, or do we look after our own benefit? Is the universe how you want it? Is it how you want to live?