What are we talking about today?

Some days have themes. I don't necessarily post something in each of these topic areas every week.

Sunday: Church-related or spiritual things.
Monday: Running.
Tuesday: Books.
Wednesday: Transportation.
Friday: Green living.

25 February 2015

Long Way from Normal

Chadwick cosplaying as Enjolras at the
 2013 Austin NaNoWriMo kickoff party.
There's no good way to break this news: I lost my beloved Chadwick to a pulmonary embolism a week ago.

A few weeks ago, I was hoping to get back in the groove of blogging. Now, I'm not even sure when I'll get back into the groove of living. People keep talking about how eventually I'll find my "new normal"-- I've said it myself a few times-- but that's a long way away still.

We were married for 13 years, 1 month, and 17 days. I don't remember what it was like without him there. I don't know what the next days and weeks and months will be like.

And I don't know if I'll be blogging any of this journey to my new normal. But if I don't, just know that I'm still here, somewhere, trying to put one foot in front of the other.


Aubrey Anne said...

You'll get to the point where you can write about it. And if it takes a long time, we'll still be here. xoxo

Anonymous said...

my heart to yours, much love

Jenni at talking hairdryer said...

Su, I can't even imagine the heartbreak. Also, a new normal at our age?! In some ways we are way too old for that, and in some ways, way too young. Praying for you, Sister.

Andrea Smith said...

You are in our hearts. There are no words to express how much we feel for you losing your life partner. James and I just look at each other and say, "But Su ..." I just pray for the beauty in the ashes to show themselves early.

Beccams said...

I know I didn't know how to "be"........was I single, was I a widow? I just didn't know. I found a book called "I Don't Know How To be a Widow" which was a lady's journal of her walk through it all. It was very helpful.
A dear friend told me that God would 'now' be my husband and I thought 'no way' He can't take Richards place. But after a year and a half, I looked back and realized that inspite of me, He had done just that.......carried me the whole time.......through night after night of my not being able to pray anything except crying out "God, help me!"

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry your life partner is gone from you. You will need every bit of your strength to get through this. At first it will even seem harsh to you that the sun comes up every morning without him. The saying is that 'time heals' but know that the length of 'time' differs for everyone. You will remain in my thoughts as you find your way through this ordeal.

Su Wilcox said...

Thanks, y'all.

J E Oneil said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you're gong through. It was so obvious from your posts how much you love him.

Whatever you decide to do, I'll be here. All the love in the world to you, Su.

Amy Shaw said...

Su, you have been in my thoughts many times this past week. Words seem so inadequate when such a deep loss is experienced, yet words are the only way I know to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you. May the God of all comfort be with you.