On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

Chains shall he break, indeed.
Image source: Sigurd Decroos
on freeimages.com.

"O Holy Night"

By: Words by Placide Cappeau, music by Adolphe Adam. The translation we most often sing in English is by John Sullivan Dwight.

Written in: Roquemaure, France, in 1847

I have thoughts: So much love for this song. It's gorgeous. The third verse, my favourite one, is so spectacular and still so resonant in today's culture that I get a bit annoyed when people only sing verse one a couple of times and call it done. No, you're not done; break open that hymnal and give us the third verse, dangit. I wrote about the third verse to this song quite some time ago, and unfortunately I still say today what I said then: we aren't keeping our end of promise of the third verse. Chains shall HE break, yes, but "in His name all oppression shall cease."

Not to give in to despair, but when I look around me I all too often see a society that jumps at the chance to forge chains on others or break ties of friendship. Who is my brother or sister? Not the people who disagree with me, that's for sure. In fact, let's get on Facebook and call the other side dumb and complain about how they just don't get it and be sure to unfriend people who raise any objection. Facebook is the chosen battleground for airing why everyone else is wrong, it seems--people who I know for sure know better are drawing lines between one another that Jesus never drew, and it's heartbreaking.

Chains shall He break, everyone is a brother or sister, and oppression shall cease. Let's make that our goal for 2017, please?

Verse: The second verse is less well-known, but the third verse is my favourite, so today you get both.

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here come the wise men from the Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weaknesses no stranger,
Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King, Before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.

Watch: I asked for "O Holy Night" and YouTube gave me Hadley Fraser and Rosalie Craig. YouTube really gets me. (Although they don't sing the whole of the third verse, either. Grrr.)



Sources:
Wikipedia

On the Tenth Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

Image source: Davide Guglielmo on
freeimages.com.

"Dona Nobis Pacem"

By: It's part of the Latin Mass

Written in: A long time ago indeed.

I have thoughts: Okay, you caught me. This song doesn't so much have verses as one sentence that's repeated many, many times. What can I say--I wanted at least one in Latin, this is my favourite, so here it is. Plus, it's not like praying for peace has ever passed out of necessity, and we need it today as much as we ever have.

Incidentally, I learned this song from M*A*S*H, and while the entire clip from the episode ("Dear Sis") doesn't seem to be hanging out on YouTube, the cast singing the song is on the first part of this video.

Verse: This is an easy one!

Dona nobis pacem, pacem
Dona nobis pacem.

Watch:



Sources:
Wikipedia

On the Ninth Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

This photo is called
"Papai Noel de Bicicleta."
Y'all know I'm not about to
walk away from that.
Image source:
Juliana Castro on freeimages.com.

"The First Noel"

By: We don't know, but a bunch of folks had their hands on getting it to the form we sing today.

Written in: It was published in Cornwall in 1823, so... before that.

I have thoughts: I'm running out of ways to say "I love this song!" Although I suppose even that is redundant, because it's not like I'd include a song I hate in this little series, is it?

Verse: Verse five is the one I don't know, so here it is:

Then entered in those Wise men three
Full reverently upon their knee
And offered there in His presence
Their gold and myrrh and frankincense.
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel!

Watch: (I've never heard of Aldrich and James until I went looking for a video for this song. Holy smokes. Definitely want to hear more of them!)



Sources:
Wikipedia
Metro Lyrics

On the Eighth Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

In the Biblical account and every dramatization I've ever
seen, the sheep remain remarkably calm throughout
the whole "angels in the sky" thing. Makes me wonder if
they'd met the angels before. "Oh, yeah, Gabriel.
 He likes these dramatic announcements. Gives him
a reason to wear his fancy angel robes."
Image source: A Berg on freeimages.com.

"Angels We Have Heard on High"

By: We don't know. The most widespread English translation is by James Chadwick.

Written in: We don't know that, either, except that it was in Languedoc, France, sometime before 1862. (There seem to be a great many things about Christmas carols that we don't know, which I suppose is appropriate for a holiday that was appropriated from a pagan feast in an unlikely season for Jesus to have been born, and which is presided over by a jolly and chubby version of a 4th century saint.)

I have thoughts: I love, love, love this song, not the least of which because it's great for altos to sing. We have our own melisma (I'm delighted there's a word for that!) in the chorus, which alternates with the sopranaos' more well known melismas. Also, I just love the tune in general. There are some Christmas tunes (see also "O Little Town of Bethlehem" or "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear") that seem haunting, more evocative of the long road that Mary and Joseph traveled and more foreshadowing of the lonely road ahead for Jesus. And this is one of those for me. Your mileage may vary, of course.

Verse: In the excellent film The Trouble with Angels, Mary Clancy is stuck at the convent over Christmas break and she sneaks into Christmas Eve Mass to watch the sisters. Reverend Mother sees her, of course, because Reverend Mother sees everything, but leaves her alone to watch instead of sending her away. This is the verse they're singing (if I recall correctly) during that scene. It's the third verse. (Incidentally, The Trouble with Angels is on my very short list of movies that I prefer to the books they're based on.)

Come to Bethlehem and see
Him Whose birth the angels sing;
Come, adore on bended knee,
Christ the Lord, the newborn King.

Watch:



Sources:
Wikipedia
Metro Lyrics

For as Long as We Both Shall Live

Today would have been my 15th wedding anniversary. (If that's already too sad of a beginning, come back round this afternoon for today's 12 Days of Christmas post. It's much happier.)

Among the many things that no one tells you when your spouse is alive and well is that one day, your anniversary will change. What was once "our anniversary" will be just another day of pain, one that's been overshadowed by The Deathiversary--the happiest day of your life displaced by the worst day.

There were plenty of people at my wedding who aren't here any longer. My grandfather, my great-grandmother, my grandmother, an aunt, an uncle, an bunch of my grandparents' friends I'd known my whole life--they all lie buried now, no longer here to witness the world still turning without them. And so does the groom.

And there were a bunch of
people at my wedding who are
still here, like these two, who are
part of the group I collectively
call "the baby cousins."
They're 15 years older now
but no less cute. Chadwick & I
didn't see a lot of their
growing up years, but we both
love(d) this pic.

People often tell me, still, "he's still with you" or "he's watching over you" and I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand, having an animated conversation with my dead-but-still-here-husband in public is a good way to keep people on the street from asking me for change. On the other hand--I still don't want him watching me feel sorry for myself. Or having fun without him. Or trying to have fun without him and not succeeding. If the burden can't be made lighter by us sharing it between us, then I don't want to share it, not even in my imagination. Down that road lies more heartache than I can bear.

So for obvious reasons I no longer celebrate today, not the least of which is that the marriage that we once celebrated no longer exists. Death has parted us. All that remains is the memory of what was.

But. I've come through two Christmases, four birthdays (two of his and two of mine), a bunch of other holidays, one deathiversary, and one anniversary already still standing--or at least, having gotten back up after being knocked to the ground. I can do another day.

On the Seventh Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

I'm fairly certain this is not the gentleman from the song.
Image source: Luca Cinacchio on freeimages.com.

"God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen"

By: We don't know.

Written in: We don't know that, either, but it was before 1760.

I have thoughts: It took me a long time to understand this song, because in my head when I was a kid I kept putting the comma in the wrong place, which as we all know changes the meaning of the phrase. As a result, I spent many years wondering how, exactly, one rested merry, and not only that, but how one could be object of this resting merry instead of the agent. I imagine I'm not the only weird kid who had this problem.

One of my favourite Christmas parodies of all time is based on this song. Keep scrolling; I stuck it at the end.

Verse: It's the rare short(ish) Christmas carol! Verse three seems the least familiar to me.

"Fear not, then," said the angel,
"Let nothing you affright;
This day is born a Savior
Of a pure virgin bright,
To free all those who trust in him
From Satan's power and might."

Watch:





Sources:
Wikipedia
Metro Lyrics

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

Image source: EveBlackwood on
freeimages.com.

"O Little Town of Bethlehem"

By: Lewis Redner

Written in: 1868

I have thoughts: There's nothing I don't love about this song.

Verse: Verses one, two, and five are the ones I usually hear sung, so here's verse three.

How silently, how silently,
The wondrous gift is given;
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His Heaven.
No ear may hear His coming,
But in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive Him still,
The dear Christ enters in.

Watch:


Sources:
Wikipedia
Hymns and Carols of Christmas

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

These bells. Not the little dinky ones.
Image source: T Austin on
freeimages.com.

"I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"

By: Words by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Music (for the tune in the video below; there's more than one version) by John Baptiste Calkin.

Written in: 1863

I have thoughts: This was the song we sang in church that made me want to do this little series. I thought I knew the whole thing and then they threw a couple verses I didn't recognize at me.

Verse: This is verse three.

Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Listen: The song starts at 6:03. Before that is more background about the song's origin.



Sources:
Wikipedia
Hymns and Carols of Christmas

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

As a Doctor Who fan, I'm a bit nervous of angel statues,
but what else could I possibly use for this song?
Image source: alberto cavazzano on freeimages.com.

"It Came Upon the Midnight Clear"

By: Edmund Sears

Written in: 1849

I have thoughts: I chose this one for today because today is my grandfather's birthday (he would have been 91). Not that Grandpa particularly liked this song; I don't know how he felt about it. Here's what I do know: there was a made-for-TV movie by the same name that came out in 1984, when I was six. He and I watched it together.

In the movie, a man dies a week before Christmas but protests when he gets to heaven that he needs more time with his grandson, so they give him until Christmas Eve. (That's what I remember. IMDB has more details.) At the end of the movie, the man dies for good, having spent his final week making his grandson's Christmas amazing. Also at the end of the movie, Grandpa and I were both crying.

So this song has made me think of him ever since, even though we never talked about that movie ever again. Isn't it amazing how I manage to make every freaking thing sad? Quick, name a happy thing and I'll see if I can sad it up for you.

Verse: I couldn't choose between verses three and four, so let's do both.

But with the woes of sin and strife
The world has suffered long;
Beneath the angel-strain have rolled
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not
The love song which they bring; –
O hush the noise, ye men of strife,
And hear the angels sing!

And ye, beneath life's crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing; –
Oh, rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing!

Watch:


Sources:
Wikipedia
Hymns and Carols of Christmas

On the Third Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

Before we start, it's my dad's birthday! He's old. Happy birthday, Dad!

Image source: Phillip Rothe on
freeimages.com.

"Do You Hear What I Hear"

By: Noël Regney and Gloria Shayne Baker

Written in: October 1962

I have thoughts: I've never sung this song in a choir or caroling group or even in church. I'm kinda bummed about that.

Verse: I'm pretty sure all the verses in this song are well known, since it tells a story and if you leave a verse out the whole thing makes a little less sense, but let's go with the one Tim Hawkins made fun of (video of that is below the song down there. Just keep scrolling; you'll find it).

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy
Do you hear what I hear
Ringing through the sky, shepherd boy,
Do you hear what I hear
A song, a song, high above the trees
With a voice as big as the sea
With a voice as big as the sea

Watch:




Sources:
Wikipedia
Lyrics Mode

On the Second Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

It's hard to blame the poor page for getting cold. I'm cold
just looking at this. Image source: Abraham Chang
on freeimages.com.

"Good King Wenceslas"

By: John Mason Neale

Written in: 1853

I have thoughts: Does anybody know any of the verses of this song? I basically get to take my pick, right? By the way, the "Feast of Stephen" in the first verse happens to be today, December 26. I love it when a plan comes together. By many accounts Wenceslas was a good guy, just maybe not quite as good as the song says.

Verse: Tough one, because the final verse is so compelling, but here's the also-encouraging verse four:

"Sire, the night is darker now,
And the wind blows stronger;
Fails my heart, I know not how,
I can go no longer."
"Mark my footsteps, good my page;
Tread thou in them boldly;
Thou shalt find the winter's rage
Freeze thy blood less coldly."

Listen:


Sources:
Wikipedia
Hymns and Carols of Christmas

Good Tidings of Great Joy

I promise I have no intention of posting twice a day every day for the duration of the 12 days of Christmas, but this is a particularly Christmas thought, and I'd also like to try something new and get it written down before I forget half of it. (And it's a Sunday post, so as usual I completely understand if you skip off now because this isn't your thing. No worries.)

Friday evening I went to Cincinnati Shakespeare's Every Christmas Story Ever Told, which was hilarious and completely irreverent and full of good-natured and affection-filled mocking of many beloved holiday classics. In one of those many contradictions that helps make me who I am, I followed that up Saturday night with going to the Christmas Eve service, which was quite reverent and celebratory of the birth of Christ. Mocking one night, praising the next; that pretty much sums up my entire personality.

But there was a moment, a beautiful moment in Every Christmas Story that tied the two evenings together. The three actors were hitting the highlights of A Charlie Brown Christmas. Sara Clark (as Lucy) laid into Charlie Brown for his dumb Christmas tree, Billy Chace (as Charlie Brown) asked for someone to explain the true meaning of Christmas, and Justin McCombs stepped into Linus' role (complete with grabbing a security blanket) to recite the passage from Luke 2. Now, just as a recap: this is the same Justin McCombs who moved me to tears during Much Ado a few weeks ago, who I had to stop watching during the scene when Claudio mourns for Hero because it was too painful, and dang if he didn't do it again. I'm gonna stop going to Cincinnati Shakespeare if I have to bring hankies to every show. (Kidding. I so am not.)

Anyway, so we're rolling along in this one serious moment from the entire show, and I was just thinking, "Wow, are those tears in his eyes?" when Mr. McCombs' voice caught, and I was done. Tears totally rolling down my face. Was it the character or the actor showing this much emotion? Don't know, don't care. The end result was the same no matter which it was.

At the Christmas Eve service, the pastor didn't read from Luke 2. He didn't talk about shepherds or wise men. He read from the first chapter of John, including the verse above (one of my favourites), and tears rolled down my face again. (Yeah, I cry a lot. That's why I switched from paper tissues to hankies--to save some trees. You're welcome.) God came here. And sometimes we goof up with this gift, sometimes we try to hold it all for ourselves, sometimes we mock the traditions that have arisen around this day of celebration, sometimes we just forget because of the mess we've gotten ourselves into.

But still. God came here.

A very blessed and happy Christmas to you and yours.

On the First Day of Christmas

For the 12 Days of Christmas, I'm sharing second, third, or otherwise not-first verses of popular Christmas carols.

What does this have to do with the
song? Not a thing. Image source:
alfonso diaz on freeimages.com.

"O Come O Come Emmanuel"

By: We don't know.

Written in: We don't know that, either. Oldest surviving publication is from 1710 in Cologne, Germany.

I have thoughts: I chose this one for the first day because it's usually associated with Advent, and today is obviously as close as we're going to get to Advent. I only learned this song about ten-ish years ago and loved it from the first time I heard it. (To say I "learned" it is to stretch a point. Without the words in front of me, I still kind of mumble along until we get to a line I know.) Also, this is not a song that was written for altos. Huff.

Verse: This song has verses without number, it seems, with potential alternates for most of them. This is what happens when you translate, and when a bunch of people really like a song and just keep adding to it. This is, according to the Lutheran hymnal, verse seven:

Oh, come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Oh, bid our sad divisions cease,
And be yourself our King of Peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to you, O Israel!

Watch:



Sources:
Wikipedia
Hymns and Carols of Christmas
Lutheran Hymnal

Second Verse

As pretty as this, "O Christmas Tree"
will not be one of the songs included.
Source: Julia Tikhonova on
freeimages.com.

For my own amusement, and in defiance of the fact that I've only just got my blog themes set again, I'm going to do a little thing for the 12 Days of Christmas (which starts tomorrow, December 25th, no matter what your local retailers or that one friend on Facebook say).

This is inspired partly by last Sunday at church, when we sang a verse I've never heard of a Christmas carol. That in itself isn't terribly unusual--some Christmas carols have like 15 verses--but it occurs to me that I may not be the only person who doesn't know more than a verse or two of a whole bunch of songs.

So! For the next 12 days, I'll share a verse--anything but the first one--to some of my favourite Christmas carols. We'll see if this turns out to be a good idea or just too much.

In the meantime, Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good, erm, day. I post these pretty early in the morning, and it's not nighttime yet.

In the Wash

I'm not convinced there are a lot of earth-friendly solutions to laundry. There are things that help, like high efficiency washers, and detergents without phosphates, and clotheslines, but at the end of the day it turns out that being alive and walking around on the planet does require a certain amount of resources. So I'm doing my best to use those resources as wisely as possible.

I moved into an apartment without washer/dryer connections, but with a laundry room up the hall. I've never been wild about the great quarter scrounge that apartment laundry facilities require (seriously, folks, it's the 21st century. Card readers, please?), but in this particular case it actually gets worse: the spin cycle on the washers is woefully inadequate, giving me wetter-than-they-should-be clothes at the end of washing, which means that the dryer has no chance of getting them anything close to dry and I have to hang them up anyway.

I thought I was going to have to resort
to this. (I've done this a few times. Wash
by hand, that is. I don't have a scrubbing
board.) Image source: Annie Jenkins
on freeimages.com.

I may not have the monopoly on using resources wisely, but from both earth- and budget-friendly perspectives, there's nothing wise about throwing money and electricity at two hunks of metal that don't do the job they're designed for. 

So I got one of those little portable washers that can hook up to a sink and that lives happily in a corner of a closet when not in use. (By the way, I'm not being paid for this post or a review, although that would be awesome. Just sharing my experience.) After a trip to Home Depot to get an adapter for my faucet, I was good to go.

So far: much like its full-sized high efficiency cousins, this washer does its magic with as little water as possible, even if it is still more than I'd like. Fortunately, it drains into my sink, so I have a pitcher to catch the greywater for reuse. While on the subject of water: since my kitchen faucet was not purpose-designed for washing machines, I can't leave the tap on throughout the cycle, which means I have to wait while it fills so I can turn the tap off, and then when I hear it draining I run over again to switch it back on for the rinse. I'm getting better at recognizing the particular "I need water now!" hum. Basically, I can't turn it on and then leave the house, which is fine with me, because a cycle only takes about 30 minutes.

And my clothes come out clean and as close to dry as I could possibly expect--no wimpy spin cycles here. This little machine knows what it's doing. I hang them up on my clotheshorse and in a few hours I have dry clothes ready for putting away. No fan required, unlike when I was hanging them up straight from the apartment washer.

That's my laundry solution for now. What new solutions have entered your life lately?

Commute Blues

Being as I run in active transportation advocacy circles, I often hear some variation of, "Happy people live near where they work." It's a statement that's easy to agree with.

I'm sure some people manage to have massively massive commutes and still be happy. Some folks use it as a time to listen to audiobooks, or chat with carpool mates, or get work done (PLEASE don't do that if you're the one driving! Seriously, there are a lot of words for that and none of them are good ones). But just judging from the bitter complaint one hears around the office, or around social media, most of us don't really like enduring traffic just to get to work and back.

It doesn't even have to be one of these. Although,
obviously, I'd be pretty delighted if the Cincinnati
buses looked like this.

Because the office of my most recent temp job was on the edge of town, beyond the reach of public transportation, I settled for a compromise: I took a bus about 75% of the way and then called an Uber from there, so I was getting my public transport time (I know, I know, most people don't find buses as relaxing as I do) while supporting the local system, and keeping my Uber bills to a minimum.

Some of my Uber drivers have had a hard time with this.

I know, they want to be friendly and chat, and I mostly appreciate that, unless I'm really absorbed in a book I'm reading. But some of them were just so gobsmacked that I would split my commute between two modes when I could obviously just get a car and get myself to work. One driver went so far as to ask what my monthly Uber bill was, a question I of course did not answer.

All this to sing the next verse of my usual song: car ownership should not be required to be a full participant in society. There's no reason anyone should be horrified that I don't have a car. And yet, that's the system we've built--driving everywhere is the norm, cost and health outcomes and 30K+ deaths per year be darned. There are plenty of reasons to have a transportation options, not the least of which is easing the strain on a family's budget at a time when plenty of families are struggling to stretch their budgets just a bit farther. There are plenty of people who don't like public transportation (or bikes, or walking), and that's fine, but it's also no reason why options can't be available to everyone else. No one wants to stop you from driving yourself, if that's what you want. But no one should be forcing me into a car, either.

Come on, cities. It's time to give options a chance.

This Is What Reading Will Get You, Kids

The Sound of Music was on TV Sunday night, and since I've seen the movie enough times that I don't have to watch that closely to know exactly what is going on, I joined the Twitter love fest for snarking purposes. As I do.

We got to the point where Georg tells Maria to get the children together so they can flee the country, and I tweeted this:

Just a reminder that the real Von Trapps fled in part b/c they refused to sing for Hitler's birthday. #SoundOfMusic

— Su Wilcox (@cheekysu) December 19, 2016

Maria Trapp had three children after
she and the captain married, in case
you're counting humans and wondering
where the extra ones came from.
Image source: Goodreads.

Yeah. This is definitely my most popular tweet of all time. (I was also pretty happy with my second most popular tweet of the evening, but it doesn't really come into the whole fleeing Austria thing.) Some responses to this tweet have been predictably bizarre, but rather than give the nutters any more air time than Twitter already gives them, let's talk about that part of the book. Because it's book day here at Cheekyness.

Georg received his offer to rejoin the Navy. (In the book, he wrestled with the decision of whether to accept, unlike the instant response he has in the movie.) Rupert, the eldest, received an offer to take a responsible position in a hospital in Berlin almost immediately after finishing medical school. Then the family received the invitation to sing at Hitler's birthday.

Because the movie timeline is quite compressed and accelerated vis-à-vis real life, the children in the movie have only aged a couple months since Maria first met the family. However, when it was really time for the family to respond to these offers, the children as we know them were either grown or in their late teens. Georg called the family together, went over the invitations they'd all received, and asked what they wanted to do. They all agreed to say no, knowing they would have to leave home and homeland behind, willing to draw on their deep faith that God would hold them in His hands.

They got a train to Italy a few days later (just in time before the borders were closed), contacted a manager who'd previously invited them to do a concert series in the US, and were on a boat to New York within a few weeks. The entire rest of the book is about their adventures in adjusting to a new country: learning a new language, deciding to become US citizens (after the boys were drafted by the US army), buying a farm in Vermont, and other parts of life in a huge, singing, touring family.

I've said it before and now I'm saying it again: if you love The Sound of Music, get yourself to a library and pick up this book. Also check out books by other members of the Trapp family, to get even more perspective on the family's history.

Eight Weeks

A long time ago, in a galaxy
far, far, away, at my first
half-marathon. The only
thing I've retained from
this picture is that
face.

In a moment of complete lunacy a couple months ago, I signed up for the El Paso Half Marathon.

My reasoning was: hey, I have some friends in El Paso I'd like to see; it gives me a reason to keep running when it's freaking cold outside; and my reward at the end is a warm trip to the desert (and some mountains, I hear) in the middle of Cincinnati's deep freeze.

The race is now eight weeks away. Reason #2, to keep running through the cold and dark winter, is upon me whether I like it or not. I guess this is one way to make sure I go outside and acclimate (I mean, I don't want to be embarrassed in front of my friends when I come limping across the finish as the DFL because I didn't bother to train).

Bugger. Here goes.

Flatness

I'm no expert on this grief thing, or indeed on this life thing. I keep hoping there will be a time when I suddenly arrive into great wisdom, or at least be able to say, "Yeah, okay, makes sense." So far? No luck.

This photo is called "As flat as it gets." Accurate
caption is accurate. Source.

I've fallen into one of those vortexes of nothing in the last week or so, where I don't really feel anything. Not happy, not sad, not angry--just flat. It's happened before, and I suspect it will again, but it's an odd feeling to be suddenly swept off your feet by nothing at all. It's not like the crashing waves of grief, nor the bubbly lightness of joy. Nothing crushing me down, nothing lifting me up. Just nothing.

It's worrying when I can't conjure up emotions, not even at a time when it would be appropriate. Not even when it's expected.

Except. Except except except. I managed some (okay, quite a lot of) emotion when I saw the screening of Allegiance earlier this week. Is this what I've come to, that I can only experience emotion when other people are performing it? Is this why other people like TV so much? (I've always had books, so TV's pull is fairly minimal and a bit of a mystery to me.) Are we all just flatlining on our own emotions and substituing someone else's pretend ones?

I hope not. I hope this is a thing that passes, as it always has before. Because I'm not convinced that a flat life is worth getting out of bed for.

Something Old, Something New

There's nothing not scary about trying new things. Even the most fearless among us (or so I'm told, since I tend more towards the 'fear-filled' side of the spectrum) have a twinge of nervous energy at the prospect of doing something new. I imagine that's part of what keeps humans alive as a species.

There are parts of Cincinnati that look a little
like this. Kinda. Source: Tero Tikkanen
on freeimages.com.

My most recent new thing is this strange time of year called winter. Now, I spent 20 years of my life in places that have real winter (Greenfield, Indiana and Glasgow, Scotland), but not any kind of a recent 20 years, since I moved south as fast as I could to get out of the freezing, slushy mess. But now that I'm back here voluntarily, taking on the cold has been one of the challenges.

I've read every blog post I can find on what to wear while walking, running, or riding a bike in cold weather. I even got my hands on some cold-weather gear, which has made my last few weeks considerably more pleasant. But no amount of reading or buying can make that last step any easier-- I have to open the door and get outside.

It's a small and silly thing, I know, but the truth is that I'm no longer the girl growing up in Indiana. I'm not even the "take on the world" 20-year-old who moved to Glasgow without blinking. No, I am who I am now, and who I am now is slightly terrified of slick streets and temperatures in the single digits. (And not without some reason--after a day of rain earlier this week, I stepped onto a grate in the sidewalk and slid a few feet. And it was just wet, no ice!)

I keep muttering to myself, "It's this day, not me, that's bound to go away," before stepping outside. I remember that hot drinks are always available after I get where I'm going, and that the outdoors in winter is probably not as bad as I imagine it is. But I still have to push myself out the door and into this strange new world that somehow millions of people all think is normal. (Millions in this part of the world, that is, not Cincinnati specifically. Cincy barely has 300K people in it.)

But every time I manage to it, to go outside when I don't have to, to walk to the bus when taking an Uber would be warmer, the muscles get that bit stronger for next time. Not just next time I have to step outside, but also the next time I have to push outside my comfort zone, because doing new things is what I ordered when I decided it was time for a fresh start.

How are you pushing yourself? What new things are you doing?